SALT LAKE CITY — I used to be a good mom, but I want so badly to be a really good mom.
You know, the type of mom that when it is all said and done — when my kids are all grown — will be named a “good mom” by children who’ll mean it even while laughing, crying or cringing at my many failed attempts at parenting all the livelong day.
I want to be a good mom. You know, the type who doesn’t let fear or faith get in the way of how I love my children. Because fear can lend itself to hurt, and faith that things will work out can lead to neglect. But, love? Love has no bounds.
I want to listen when I feel like talking; and when I do talk, I want to say what’s in my heart and not just what’s on my mind.
I want to be a good mom. I want my kids to know that what they say is valid, no matter what it is — even if it means hearing something I don’t want to hear. Strike that, especially when it’s something I don’t want to hear.
I want to say yes as much as I say no. I want to hug more than I push away. I want silence to be a good thing because it means we’re enjoying the moment and not filling it with tension.
I want my children to work things out together knowing that mom is always on their side — not his side or her side, but on all their sides because I want the best for each and every one of them.
I want to teach my children goodness that can lead to happiness, knowing that their happiness may not be my happiness. I want them to take what I teach them into their own lives with a grain of salt — or even a whole bucket of it, riddled with pepper, paprika and whatever seasoning suits them. Because this is their life and their journey, and I am nothing more than a facilitator of love and safety. I want them to bring their seasoned selves home once in a while so I can learn, too.
But I am not a good mom — yet, anyway. And that’s OK because it has to be.
I am a mom who is often reactionary. I parent with fear that I’m not good enough. I don’t give nearly enough hugs. I say “no” and “yes,” but “yes” is a hard word to say because it means letting go of something that I have very little of — be it time or money or control of a teenager who is acting like a teenager. It means letting go of control over my small world that I am trying desperately to keep safe.
I am a mom who tends to let faith get in the way of my ability to be present in a moment with my children and myself. I let faith be a driving force for good, hoping that faith and hope alone will solve everything, rather than seeing a situation for what it is and working through it.
But I really, REALLY want to be a good mom, and maybe if I say it loud enough, it will happen. Maybe words will lead to action, but I know words are only words. I know it.
But I said it and I meant it. I want to be a good mom.
Does this resonate with you? What is your definition of a good mom or dad, and how are you working toward that in your own life? Let us know in the comment section.