THE KITCHEN — Let me start by stating that I love my kids. I’m guessing you figured out there’s a “but” coming. Well, you’re right: I love my kids, but they drive me bonkers.
I helped my 10-year-old daughter clean her room two days ago. It was a labor of love because it was a disaster. I don’t need to go into detail, but I found everything from half-eaten food to my 2016 tax return. Don’t ask why; it makes no sense. By the time we were done, the place was spick-and-span and I was even willing to spend more time in there than the length of time I could hold my breath.
Now it’s Tuesday and the room is a war zone. I walked in to wake her up this morning and it was like walking through a minefield — but in a minefield, at least I know what I’m stepping on and what it’ll do to me. It’s like a game of Russian roulette in that room when the lights are out.
I bring this up because I love my daughter, but this dog is tidier than she is. I mean, he’s shadier than my daughter, but he’s much cleaner. Then again, I did find that tax return in there and I have no idea what she was doing with that.
This lab in China thought ice cream sounded like a good treat, but her human wasn’t around (and my guess is the human doesn’t always give her ice cream). Instead of bemoaning the fact that there is no one there to help her, she takes matters into her own paws. She pops open the freezer, gets the carton of ice cream, opens it and feasts. When she’s done, she throws the empty container in the garbage can.
Oh, and I forgot to mention she even closed the fridge door. It also blows me away that she missed getting the container top in the garbage and instead of leaving it on the floor, she picked it up and did it right.
I’m really at a loss. My son sneaks ice cream all the time, but he can’t cover it up for the life of him. He leaves the freezer open and it starts beeping at him, but he still won’t close it. He leaves a dirty spoon on the counter, puts the empty carton back in the open freezer and leaves the lid somewhere on the floor.
I’m not sure what it says about me that I have a daughter who’s not as clean as a dog and a son who isn’t as good at covering his tracks as, well, a dog. Maybe I should reevaluate my life before I start getting upset that my kids are losing to a lab in China.